It has happened again, this time in Mumbai. Not that Mumbai is new to such attacks, but this time the attack was special. This one was beamed live to television sets across the world. This was not the case with Delhi blasts, Jaipur blasts, Ahmadabad blasts (Or was it Surat) or any of the blasts in the past across our country. Not that our country is new to blasts...
As I type this post, the combing operations at Mumbai are still on, and for all we know there may be more surprises. I salute the brave men of NSG who put their lives at line for the rest of us. But may I ask.. What happens next?
No. I am not talking about the NSG operations; neither about the outcome from the visit of ISI head to India, not even about the affect of this tragedy on various elections lined up. I am questioning something more intrinsic to the nature of our country, something we all know but hate to admit.
So allow me to spit out nonsense like I always do… But before I do that let me take a minute as NDTV is asking me to SMS Salam to pay homage. You see 30,000 people have already sent it. Also, I cannot forget Star News for bringing me the exclusive footage. Aaj Tak did a commendable job too in showing me the photos of terrorists first. I also need to thank CNN IBN and Zee News for whatever the hell they did. And India TV just deserves a Nobel prize for what they did... But most of all I thank the sponsors of the commercials so we can take breaks for food and other bodily functions and remind ourselves that life will go on as usual, and we still need to buy that life insurance, that LCD TV and get a loan for that car.
Some channel was also playing Lata Mangeshkar “Ae Mere Watan Ke Logon, Zara Aankh Me Bhar Lo Pani…” in the backdrop with the visuals of last rites of various cops. Commendable job all of you… Indeed Salam.
What is wrong with my brain you ask sir? I ask you what if the hostage situation was not in 5 star hotels but at some market place (let’s say sarojini nagar in Delhi) where the middle class and poor people go to shop and carry on with their miserable little lives? Would we get the kind of international media attention we got this time? NDTV did us proud as its name was quoted in The Gaurdian as a source you see…
Israel, America, Britain, Australia all reacted on this news. I couldn’t help but sense the hidden pride some primates around me were feeling on India catching international attention. Nothing wrong with it, this was a big tragedy and deserves international attention… but don’t we see it’s so obvious… when the dust settles India is alone in this battle? Is the land that produced Chanakya so empty of strategic thinking?
So they tell me the terrorists were from Karachi. Thank god for that… If they had an Indian connection, it would have been a real shame for all of us. Of course there are many places/people in this country we all know as separatists, but come on… these people had GPS and Satellite Maps and other high tech gadgets. The idea that they had any local support is preposterous isn’t it? I mean, what do Indians know about technology? Plus it’s not good for our image you see… We are Incredible India, and sometimes we are India Shining too.
The political primates have risen above party lines, I am glad to see that. Tomorrow they will get back under the party line and start canvassing making this tragedy an issue… But how can I blame them… Had it been the other party I am sure none of this would have happened. Isn’t it? Here you go… please take my common man vote and secure my country. And when you fail, I will vote again to the other side… hoping for the best!
Why not just admit it and start correcting the problems? Our security infrastructure is poor. Our governance is grossly incompetent to even understand what’s wrong with it… forget about improvements. Our media is too immature to make any real difference. Our democratic setup has been taken for a ride for far too long so we have stopped complaining. We continue to live as a bunch of states/groups held together by the INR and not as India.
Of course I won’t SMS Salam, because I did that last time too and nothing has changed since then, except the SMS rates that have gone up. I don’t want to listen to Lata Mangeshkar songs in the backdrop, give me some victory song. Till then let me carry on with my life… The share market is killing me!
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Friday, November 21, 2008
Angry Hindus, Pseudo Secular Nation and Evolution
Someone I know just sent an article about how Hindus were getting angry about the Pseudo Secular forces in this country and why none of it made sense to him.
Well none of the commotion about Hindu terrorism vs Islamic Terrorism, and which one is better, makes sense to me either, but with slight twist. Oh well how to put it mildly...
So here's the deal. There's "us" and there's "them". And of course there are "others" too. "We" are the majority. "They" are a minority.
Majority is a commodity, cheap, easily available, has no special aura about it... Like Water. Minority is a rarity, exquisite, something special about it... Like Scotch. Sometimes you love being a part of the minority just because of it's uniqueness.
Hasn't it always been chick and cool to be the outcast? I mean let's admit it, we all think people who made their own way are super cool, be it Hitler or Gandhi. So when someone asks you what do you think of "them", you may say like most of "us" that you don't like "them". But that would make you a commodity. So you say things as if you were a part of "them" and not "us". Your tribe elders can't believe it... A heretic amongst us!!! Feed him to the fire... says one elder, But he is one of "us"... We can't do that... says another. You thus get a special status in your tribe. You have now become the bottle of Scotch amongst bottles of Water. There are similar patterns amongst "them" and "others" too... Don't know why we keep forgetting the "others"
The solution you ask? My opinion you ask? Well I don't claim to be an expert on primates sir, but freedom from divine delusions seems to be an answer. I am not sure if most primates are genetically ready for it though.
Well none of the commotion about Hindu terrorism vs Islamic Terrorism, and which one is better, makes sense to me either, but with slight twist. Oh well how to put it mildly...
So here's the deal. There's "us" and there's "them". And of course there are "others" too. "We" are the majority. "They" are a minority.
Majority is a commodity, cheap, easily available, has no special aura about it... Like Water. Minority is a rarity, exquisite, something special about it... Like Scotch. Sometimes you love being a part of the minority just because of it's uniqueness.
Hasn't it always been chick and cool to be the outcast? I mean let's admit it, we all think people who made their own way are super cool, be it Hitler or Gandhi. So when someone asks you what do you think of "them", you may say like most of "us" that you don't like "them". But that would make you a commodity. So you say things as if you were a part of "them" and not "us". Your tribe elders can't believe it... A heretic amongst us!!! Feed him to the fire... says one elder, But he is one of "us"... We can't do that... says another. You thus get a special status in your tribe. You have now become the bottle of Scotch amongst bottles of Water. There are similar patterns amongst "them" and "others" too... Don't know why we keep forgetting the "others"
The solution you ask? My opinion you ask? Well I don't claim to be an expert on primates sir, but freedom from divine delusions seems to be an answer. I am not sure if most primates are genetically ready for it though.
Monday, October 6, 2008
No Tamil? What are you doing in Chennai?
On the way back from my office, the cab drops me about 1.5 KM away from the where I live. Now in most cities, you would say this is not a problem at all and start telling me about options… but hold your horses, we are talking about Chennai.
I went to the bus stop. All the buses had sign boards in Tamil. I tried asking people standing at the bus stop which bus to take. Most could not understand my English. I knew what to do. I asked “go-a straight-a which-a bus-a” (which bus route should I take to go straight). Instantly some people realized what I was asking and told me to board “Yum Thurdeen” or “Yes Fifdeen” (M13 or S15). I thanked them and waited. The buses came and there was a bee hive of people hanging out from its gates. I decided not to “board”.
Then I asked a local guy if I should take an auto or a shared auto. This guy told me that auto would not oblige since this is a short distance. And then he told me shared auto is anyway a better option as I can save money. I told him it’s not all that big a saving. He then explained that it’s not about the money… I should take a shared auto because men and women share it and you get to rub shoulders with ladies. He was shaking his shoulders up and down while telling me this and I could tell he almost had a mental orgasm.
Finally I found a shared auto. There is no color coding between regular and shared autos in Chennai but after a while you can guess by looking at the make of the auto. I tried explaining the driver where I wanted to go but since I don’t know Tamil, it was a problem. Soon a lady sitting in the shared auto obliged and explained the driver where I wanted to go. Thanking her, I boarded the shared auto to notice this was an educated professional lady. She immediately asked me “No Tamil? What are you doing in Chennai?” to which I said “I am working here in Chennai”.
She had a sympathetic look on her face. So had I…
I went to the bus stop. All the buses had sign boards in Tamil. I tried asking people standing at the bus stop which bus to take. Most could not understand my English. I knew what to do. I asked “go-a straight-a which-a bus-a” (which bus route should I take to go straight). Instantly some people realized what I was asking and told me to board “Yum Thurdeen” or “Yes Fifdeen” (M13 or S15). I thanked them and waited. The buses came and there was a bee hive of people hanging out from its gates. I decided not to “board”.
Then I asked a local guy if I should take an auto or a shared auto. This guy told me that auto would not oblige since this is a short distance. And then he told me shared auto is anyway a better option as I can save money. I told him it’s not all that big a saving. He then explained that it’s not about the money… I should take a shared auto because men and women share it and you get to rub shoulders with ladies. He was shaking his shoulders up and down while telling me this and I could tell he almost had a mental orgasm.
Finally I found a shared auto. There is no color coding between regular and shared autos in Chennai but after a while you can guess by looking at the make of the auto. I tried explaining the driver where I wanted to go but since I don’t know Tamil, it was a problem. Soon a lady sitting in the shared auto obliged and explained the driver where I wanted to go. Thanking her, I boarded the shared auto to notice this was an educated professional lady. She immediately asked me “No Tamil? What are you doing in Chennai?” to which I said “I am working here in Chennai”.
She had a sympathetic look on her face. So had I…
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Finding a House in Chennai
So I have moved to Chennai… at least for the next 6 months. I did not find time to even meet my friends in Delhi before I left, as the new job required me to arrive there ASAP. It was a long flight and unfortunately the air hostess was not pretty enough to keep me occupied.
For the first week I was in one of the best 4 star hotels the city had to offer. The hotel was nice, but it was the pub at the hotel that was funny. This place had a self styled DJ and a strange crowd. But since I had nothing else to do I went there with a friend. I ordered a chilled beer. He could not understand. I knew what to do. I ordered a chilllllled beeeeer. This time he got it and got me a beer that was mildly cool. For some reason I have not been able to find really chilled beer in the city. But my quest is on.
Then came the tough part… Finding an accommodation in Chennai. My friends tried there best to help and finally I found the number of a person called Senthil. Now this fellow was really interesting. Over the phone, he kept talking to my auto rickshaw driver instructing him which place to show me next. The auto guy took me to 3 – 4 places and I liked one. The auto rickshaw drivers in this city are known to be rascals of the first grade, when it comes to fair pricing. Surprisingly this dude was super cool and charged reasonable amounts. The only trouble was he did not know English and I do not know Tamil. Through some agreed upon hand gestures we were able to communicate.
In the evening the great Mr. Senthil agreed to meet me. I had taken an off from the office specially on a Friday to settle this house-finding-and-shifting business within the weekend. I was waiting at the house when this fellow suffering from malnutrition walks in and introduces himself as Senthil. He pulls up his lungi, sits on the couch and places his 4 mobile phones one after the other on the table with great care. Then he offers me a seat and asks me what he can do for me. Now I am a reasonably calm guy but I had wandered in the Chennai sun since morning. So I simply said why he is here if he does not know what I want from him. Then he told me that he has seen all the highs and lows of life and is saturated with money and how he is almost about to attain nirvana. I wanted to slap him but he would have died.
Now, Chennai is cheap place as compared to Delhi or Hyderabad or Bangalore as far as cost of living goes but since I am a royalty, I went for a luxury room. Now that the deal with Mr. Senthil was set I went back to the hotel and had some more chilllllled beeeeer.
Waiting to see what this city has to offer.
Cheeeerzzzz
For the first week I was in one of the best 4 star hotels the city had to offer. The hotel was nice, but it was the pub at the hotel that was funny. This place had a self styled DJ and a strange crowd. But since I had nothing else to do I went there with a friend. I ordered a chilled beer. He could not understand. I knew what to do. I ordered a chilllllled beeeeer. This time he got it and got me a beer that was mildly cool. For some reason I have not been able to find really chilled beer in the city. But my quest is on.
Then came the tough part… Finding an accommodation in Chennai. My friends tried there best to help and finally I found the number of a person called Senthil. Now this fellow was really interesting. Over the phone, he kept talking to my auto rickshaw driver instructing him which place to show me next. The auto guy took me to 3 – 4 places and I liked one. The auto rickshaw drivers in this city are known to be rascals of the first grade, when it comes to fair pricing. Surprisingly this dude was super cool and charged reasonable amounts. The only trouble was he did not know English and I do not know Tamil. Through some agreed upon hand gestures we were able to communicate.
In the evening the great Mr. Senthil agreed to meet me. I had taken an off from the office specially on a Friday to settle this house-finding-and-shifting business within the weekend. I was waiting at the house when this fellow suffering from malnutrition walks in and introduces himself as Senthil. He pulls up his lungi, sits on the couch and places his 4 mobile phones one after the other on the table with great care. Then he offers me a seat and asks me what he can do for me. Now I am a reasonably calm guy but I had wandered in the Chennai sun since morning. So I simply said why he is here if he does not know what I want from him. Then he told me that he has seen all the highs and lows of life and is saturated with money and how he is almost about to attain nirvana. I wanted to slap him but he would have died.
Now, Chennai is cheap place as compared to Delhi or Hyderabad or Bangalore as far as cost of living goes but since I am a royalty, I went for a luxury room. Now that the deal with Mr. Senthil was set I went back to the hotel and had some more chilllllled beeeeer.
Waiting to see what this city has to offer.
Cheeeerzzzz
Friday, September 26, 2008
Don't Like Delhi? Kiss My Ass
Most of the people in India do not hold a very good opinion of the place (for reasons I don’t really understand). Given below are the top 5 reasons offered to me by most Indians as to why Delhi sucks:
1) Arrogant people
2) The city is full of cheats
3) No nightlife / Is not cool enough
4) Too hot / Too cold
5) Lack of infrastructure
Now lets look at all these reasons objectively.
Arrogant People: Yes, this city has arrogant people. So are you trying to tell me that the city you live in does not have any? Arrogance mostly is directly proportional to power or money. In Delhi you have many people with either of these; or in most cases both. I can’t help it if your city is full of powerless poor people. If the first 2 people you bump into happen to be arrogant in your perception, sorry mate you are too sissy.
City is full of cheats: Yes, the city is full of cheaters. Every kid cheats his mom when he steals that candy from the kitchen, or money from dad’s wallet. Every man cheats his boss / customers everyday when on work. Every women cheats when she tells people that she has lost weight. Every one amongst the youth cheats when they try to get a drink at a pub when they are in fact under-aged as per law. Yes, all of this is true of Delhi… and in your city too!!! So cut the crap. Caveat Emptor… End of story.
No nightlife / Is not cool enough: Yes, Delhi has no nightlife. In fact the roads are empty at 6 in the evening and everybody goes to sleep at that time. All those who believe what I have written above are requested to jog in the middle of any Delhi road at 7. Please get your insurance before you do this. In case you did not find any nightlife during your trip to Delhi, either you were not with the right people or you did not have enough dough to spend. Period.
It’s too hot / Too cold: Buy an air conditioner or a room heater. Stop whining.
Lack of Infrastructure: Just Shut Up. Delhi has the best roads in India, Metro, Signal-less Ring Road. What are you talking about? Electricity and water are problems in every city worth its salt. Buy a UPS and get private water supply or get a boring pump. Act like a real man.
That was the most objective analysis on Delhi that I have done so far. I feel good.
Cheers.
1) Arrogant people
2) The city is full of cheats
3) No nightlife / Is not cool enough
4) Too hot / Too cold
5) Lack of infrastructure
Now lets look at all these reasons objectively.
Arrogant People: Yes, this city has arrogant people. So are you trying to tell me that the city you live in does not have any? Arrogance mostly is directly proportional to power or money. In Delhi you have many people with either of these; or in most cases both. I can’t help it if your city is full of powerless poor people. If the first 2 people you bump into happen to be arrogant in your perception, sorry mate you are too sissy.
City is full of cheats: Yes, the city is full of cheaters. Every kid cheats his mom when he steals that candy from the kitchen, or money from dad’s wallet. Every man cheats his boss / customers everyday when on work. Every women cheats when she tells people that she has lost weight. Every one amongst the youth cheats when they try to get a drink at a pub when they are in fact under-aged as per law. Yes, all of this is true of Delhi… and in your city too!!! So cut the crap. Caveat Emptor… End of story.
No nightlife / Is not cool enough: Yes, Delhi has no nightlife. In fact the roads are empty at 6 in the evening and everybody goes to sleep at that time. All those who believe what I have written above are requested to jog in the middle of any Delhi road at 7. Please get your insurance before you do this. In case you did not find any nightlife during your trip to Delhi, either you were not with the right people or you did not have enough dough to spend. Period.
It’s too hot / Too cold: Buy an air conditioner or a room heater. Stop whining.
Lack of Infrastructure: Just Shut Up. Delhi has the best roads in India, Metro, Signal-less Ring Road. What are you talking about? Electricity and water are problems in every city worth its salt. Buy a UPS and get private water supply or get a boring pump. Act like a real man.
That was the most objective analysis on Delhi that I have done so far. I feel good.
Cheers.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
